Yes. Septic-safe. Sewer-safe. Approved by the kind of people who get paid to test that sort of thing. We went through the proper certification process because "probably fine" isn't a standard we're comfortable with when pipes are involved.

Plant fibers and water, primarily. No plastic fibers, no synthetic materials that stick around in the ocean for centuries. The full ingredient list is on every pack — we keep nothing secret because we have nothing to hide, unlike certain toilet papers.

We do offer a lightly scented option. That said, our position remains: your ass is not a candle. But some people want a little something, and we respect the choice. The scented formula still skips the harsh stuff — just a light, clean botanical scent.

Pack sizes vary — check the individual product pages for current counts and bundle options. We offer single packs and multi-packs for people who've committed to never going back. Smart move.

The formula is gentle enough, sure. But we made them for one specific job and they're very good at it. We'll leave the face wipes to someone else. Our lane is clear and we're staying in it.

Orders ship within 2 business days unless otherwise noted on the product page. Once your package is on its way, you'll get a tracking email. Weekend and holiday orders start processing the next business day — your butt can wait 48 hours.

Free shipping on orders over $25. Yes, that's a real number. No, there's no catch. Spend $25, ship for free. Math is not that complicated.

Currently shipping within the United States. We're aware that bad toilet paper is a global problem and we're working on it. Sign up for our emails — we'll let you know when international shipping goes live.

Tracking number lands in your inbox the moment your order ships. Click it. Watch the little dot move across the map. Very satisfying. If it's been 3 business days with no tracking email, check your spam folder before emailing us — it's usually there.

Check with neighbors, your mailroom, or behind/under anything near your door. Carriers get creative. If it's still missing 24 hours later, email crap@bootywipes.com with your order number and we'll sort it out.

Returns accepted within 30 days of delivery — unopened, unused, original packaging. We can't accept opened personal care products for hygiene reasons. That's not a policy we invented; it's just how hygiene works.

Email crap@bootywipes.com with your order number and what you want to return. We'll send back a return authorization within 1–2 business days. Do not ship anything back without that authorization — it'll just sit somewhere confusing everyone.

Yes. Unopened items can be exchanged. Tell us what you want instead when you initiate the return and we'll handle the swap. Price differences are settled directly.

Once we receive and verify the return, refunds process within 3–5 business days back to your original payment method. You'll get an email confirming it. Banks sometimes take a few days after that — not our department, unfortunately.

Subscribe and save a percentage off every order, shipped automatically on your chosen schedule. You set the frequency. You cancel anytime. No hoops. No dark patterns. Just wipes when you need them, cheaper than buying one-off, without ever running out at the worst possible moment.

Yes. Pause, skip, cancel — your account, your call. Log into your account and manage everything from there. No phone call required. No retention team. No guilt trip. We trust you.

Absolutely. Log into your account and update your frequency anytime. Going on vacation? Slow it down. Household doubled? Speed it up. We're flexible. We also don't ask why, because it's genuinely none of our business.